


Nurture

by tvfanatic97



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Female Friendship, Found Family, Grief/Mourning, Other, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Pre-Relationship, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26880337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tvfanatic97/pseuds/tvfanatic97
Summary: She doesn’t know the older woman that well but MJ thinks back to the way her and her late husband had cheered her on enthusiastically even after she beat out Peter to 1st place in their Middle School science fair, she thinks of the way May had kindly offered her a lift after the decathlon trip to Washington DC when her dad had been held up at work, thinks of the warmth May always greets her with and the genuine interest with which she always enquires about MJ’s life the few times she’s been to their house recently since becoming good friends with Ned and Peter.MJ’s parents are gone, Aunt Anna is gone and she has no one else left, no one else that’d she’d feel safe or comfortable calling in the apocalypse so before she can talk herself out of it she dials May’s number.The phone rings, rings, and rings.
Relationships: Michelle Jones & May Parker (Spider-Man), Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
Comments: 43
Kudos: 198





	Nurture

**Author's Note:**

> This doesn't exist in the same universe as ['MJ and May, May and MJ'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16491653) but the same universe rules apply in terms of how it diverges from IW: Peter was dusted whilst his friends and family were not but there's no 5-year time jump bc that was stupid. Also obviously things would have gone to shit around the world (in terms of the economy, crime etc.) after the decimation but I only v vaguely address that here bc the fic isn't about that. 
> 
> This is all p clear in the fic, but just thought I'd make it even clearer.

Hindsight is a very funny thing.

In looking back to try to understand where and when everything devolved into chaos, to pinpoint the exact moment everything went to shit and make sense of it all, one tends to ascribe greater value to even the most mundane events. At least that’s what MJ thinks she’s doing, the stage of grief she thinks she’s at now as she looks at the space in her father’s bed where his body had once been, slight indentations remaining in his fancy memory foam mattress and pillows as evidence of his existence just moments prior.

The night prior to their class trip to the MoMA she’d been unable to sleep, overcome with a dizzying mixture of nerves and excitement at the prospect of sitting next to Peter on the bus, but now when she looks back she wonders if maybe that had been a sign of the doom and chaos that would come with the sunrise.

Logically, she knows the two are unrelated but it can be entirely normal in processing trauma to search for meaning and connections in people, places, events.

Truthfully, the first real inkling MJ thinks she had that nothing would turn out well came on that damned bus whilst they crossed Queensboro bridge, because all it had taken was her momentarily moving away from her seat with the boys to go to Betty then there was a giant spaceship in the sky and Peter was sneaking out of the bus in broad daylight where anyone could see him.

The sequence of events that followed was altogether ordinary yet confusing, and scary: their trip had been cancelled on the count of the alien invasion and fighting across the city meaning they had to spend hours in traffic trying to make their way back to Midtown, her dad had come to pick her up once at Midtown– something he hadn’t done since she was in Middle School—having left work as soon as he saw the news, then the two of them had holed up in the apartment glued to the TV and watched anxiously as the news anchor announced that Tony Stark and Spider-Man had been seen boarding the alien ship that left earth.

The time between watching the news and now, here where she’s standing in her dad’s dimly-lit bedroom where all that remains are material possessions and dust, was a haze of the two of them remaining glued to the sofa as she sought out comfort from her dad whilst being unable to tell him why she was so shaken. Because Spider-Man was her classmate, her crush from Elementary school, meaning if Spider-Man had gone off into space then Peter Parker had gone off into space.

The pit MJ had felt in her stomach at the thought of Peter being on that alien ship is nothing compared to what she feels now after having watched her dad disintegrate into dust a few seconds after he’d called out to her when she was trying to get a blink of sleep. A desperate call for _“Emmie”_ —a nickname he used when she was in Elementary school and nowadays only busts out when he wants to embarrass her since in a misguided attempt to seem more mature and worldly she’d started going by Michelle or MJ— will now be the last words she heard from her father. Here one moment, gone the next.

For what could be minutes, hours or even days, MJ just stands there watching the rumpled sheets, rendered paralytic by her anguish and fear. Some distant part of her acknowledges all the sounds coming from outside that reflect what’s happening within her, acknowledges that this likely isn’t isolated to their apartment or to their family, but she can’t bring herself to go and investigate and all she can do is watch where her dad once was.

When she does move it is only to go and sit on the floor by the left side of the bed her dad almost always exclusively sleeps on, subconsciously leaving the right side empty for her mom even though it’s been six years.

She sits sideways so she’s facing the side table on the fluffy rug that covers the cold hardwood floor beneath it beside the bed, rests her head on top of the duvet then reaches a hand out to rest on the sheets in front of her which enough time has passed for them to already be going cold like someone wasn’t just lying here, like her dad was never here. Then she just, cries.

She cries, cries, and cries.

Cries in a way she hasn’t since she was 10-years old after she said goodbye to her mom and was escorted out of her parents’ old bedroom by the nurses who looked after her in the last few months of her life. Except this time it’s different, now her 16-year old self understands death in a way she hadn’t quite done back then despite her grieving dad explaining it as best as he could to her and there’s the additional pain, a pricking sensation that stabs right at the center of her heart, that comes with the knowledge that both of her parents are gone and she’s now left alone.

MJ cries and cries until she physically cannot cry anymore, until her body cannot produce anymore tears and her voice is nearly gone, throat scratchy from overuse.

She feels exhausted and emotionally used up but she cannot find it in herself to sleep because what kind of daughter would she be, letting herself enjoy the luxury of sleep and rest only a mere few hours after her last remaining parent died? Instead, she gets up off the floor and decides to occupy herself with investigating what is happening out in the world outside her home that already no longer feels like one.

Following a quick detour to her room to grab her phone from where it was charging, she pads to the living room where she switches the TV on to a news channel as she simultaneously opens the Twitter app on her phone.

Immediately she’s hit with a barrage of information that is equal parts confusing as it is terrifying. _Millions gone;_ the headlines read. Millions of people across the country all apparently disappeared inexplicably just like her dad did and they estimate that a similar thing has happened on a global scale, that the number of people who disappeared could be well in the billions.

She switches the TV off and locks her phone before placing it face down on the coffee table, a small wooden thing she helped pick out to replace their old solid oak one when her and her dad had had to downsize, then she stares ahead at nothing feeling too overwhelmed to process anything.

Eventually she musters up the strength to pick up her phone again. She unlocks it and starts scrolling through her phonebook, deciding who she should call. She’s never been close to anyone on her dad’s side, the contempt with which they regarded her dad after he married her mum along with Michelle’s very existence as a biracial Black girl evidence of that union having meant she never sees or speaks to them. On her mom’s side most people are no longer around. There is however one person she can call, her mom’s eldest sister who had practically raised her mom: Aunt Anna.

Anna moved out to Florida nearly two years ago now but MJ speaks to her once every week, usually on Sunday evenings because Anna has always been MJ’s favourite. Anna has lived a full and rich life which she is always more than happy to tell MJ stories of, she’s instilled a sense for justice and social activism in MJ that her own mom had started to when MJ was a child before she passed on.

MJ grows increasingly anxious as the phone rings, rings, and rings. No answer.

She waits a couple of minutes then tries again, and again, and again with no answer and the pit at the bottom of MJ’s stomach that’s been increasing in size since she woke up to go the MoMA only multiplies in size because deep down in her heart, MJ _knows_.

She considers her options. She has nearly $900 worth of unspent weekly allowances from the last couple of years saved up that she’d been putting aside for a rainy day and she could use that to go to Anna’s and check on her in person but then, if Anna is really gone then MJ would’ve wasted money on a last minute flight to Florida. Plus she doesn’t even know if flights are still running in the midst of all the chaos.

She could just stay put here at home but then she knows their rent is due in two days and asking for rent money in the midst of the apocalypse seems like the exact kind of thing a landlord would do and her $900 doesn’t even come close to covering their rent.

She could go to Ned’s but Ned has a big family, one of those big happy ones that seem to exist in sitcoms only, and MJ knows that with Ned’s dad being the eldest (plus Ned’s house being huge), their extended family is likely to congregate there under the given circumstances and MJ doesn’t want to impose upon them and give them one more mouth to feed, one more person to worry about.

Shelters around the city will likely be overwhelmed in the midst of everything which leaves that option out.

MJ frantically scrolls through her contacts trying to think about what to do when her phone randomly, call it chance or serendipity, lands on a contact: “ _Peter’s May_ ”.

She doesn’t know the older woman that well but MJ thinks back to the way her and her late husband had cheered her on enthusiastically even after she beat out Peter to 1st place in their Middle School science fair, she thinks of the way May had kindly offered her a lift after the decathlon trip to Washington DC when her dad had been held up at work, thinks of the warmth May always greets her with and the genuine interest with which she always enquires about MJ’s life the few times she’s been to their house recently since becoming good friends with Ned and Peter.

MJ’s parents are gone, Aunt Anna is gone and she has no one else left, no one else that’d she’d feel safe or comfortable calling in the apocalypse so before she can talk herself out of it she dials May’s number.

The phone rings, rings, and rings.

* * *

MJ shifts her weight from one foot to the other, her nerves gnawing at her as she waits by the entrance to Peter’s walk-up apartment building having just been dropped off by some guy who was incorrectly named Happy for he was quite the opposite who May had insisted she get a lift from on the phone.

She turns her head back and sees that Happy’s black SUV is still parked there waiting and she feels oddly comforted by knowing he’s there, which helps settle some of her nerves until the door in front of her and May appears on the other side.

“Hi sweetheart,” May greets with a small smile. She radiates the same warmth she does each time MJ has met her but there is an undercurrent of sadness to her voice, a hoarse quality to it which coupled with the blotchiness of her face tells MJ she has spent some time crying just as she has. “I thought I’d come down to help you carry your things, but oh—” she pauses and looks at MJ and her lone backpack, then, “You didn’t bring much.”

MJ clears her throat before responding; she feels like she is learning how to speak again. “Um, hi Ms—May,” she corrects herself, remembering all the countless times May has insisted she call her by her first name and not Ms Parker. “I’m really sorry about this,” MJ adds in a quieter voice.

“Oh Em, you have nothing to apologise for,” May responds softly and the tone of her voice and the warmth in her gaze lets MJ know that she means it.

May takes a tentative step forward and wraps MJ up in a hug, her hands wrapping around MJ’s lower back due to their height difference. MJ freezes in place, unsure what to do and in a state of semi-shock at the contact since the last time she’d hugged someone, the last time she was touched by another human being was less than 12hours ago by her dad before he’d insisted she try to get some sleep and now he’s no longer here.

She’s brought out of her thoughts of her now late father when she feels rather than hears May exhale against her followed by a slight sniffling sound. MJ feels her heart somehow shatter into a further million pieces before she brings her arms up to reciprocate May’s hug with her arms wrapping around her shoulders.

They stay like that, wrapped in each other’s arms for a few more moments before May moves to separate them. MJ doesn’t miss the way she reaches a hand up to discreetly wipe away at some tears before she speaks, “Okay, come on. Let’s get you upstairs.” She waves over MJ’s shoulder, presumably at Happy, before carrying on, “Do you want me to carry your bag?”

MJ finds that it’s still difficult for her to speak so she instead wordlessly shakes her head in response.

May gives her a small, reassuring smile in return before she turns to lead the way up to the fifth floor where their apartment is.

When they get into the apartment MJ and May both take off their shoes by the door then MJ just stands there awkwardly hovering by the entrance after closing the door behind her, unsure of how to navigate the space that is both familiar and note.

As she looks around, the first thing MJ notes is the blanket and pillows on the couch, like someone had slept there. The next thing she notices are a couple of Peter’s hoodies strewn over the back of the couch along with his notebooks and random bits of paper with some complex formulas and calculations all over the coffee table; whenever she’s been here May is always apologising for the mess of their apartment whilst simultaneously admonishing Peter for always leaving his mess all over the apartment.

“Sorry about the mess,” May seems to read her mind. She says the words with a small exasperated smile the way she always does and it almost feels like any other day MJ would come around to hang out with Peter and Ned, except it’s not, not at all.

“It’s okay,” along with a small, hopefully reassuring smile, is all MJ offers back in response.

“Are you hungry?” May asks as she picks up Peter’s clothes off the couch. “I’m not a great cook as you well know, but I’m sure I can rustle up some lunch for us.”

“Um,” MJ hesitates, doesn’t know how to explain to May that she hasn’t had much of an appetite since she saw footage of her nephew going off into space, and certainly not now after she’s watched her own father disappear in front of her own eyes. The thought of having to carry out the mechanics of eating— using the limbs that no longer feel like her own to pick food up from a plate and bring it to her mouth, utilising her muscles to chew the food then have to swallow down chewed-up clumps of it—sounds entirely too exhausting for her right now. She barely had the energy to pack the small bag she has and come over here, can barely stand as it is.

Once again, May seems to read her mind and drops the issue. “Yeah, don’t worry. Me neither.” Then after a beat, “You can stay in, um, in here for now,” the older woman says as she leads her to Peter’s room. MJ doesn’t miss the way she hesitates then avoids referring to Peter, tucks away the information and makes a mental note to avoid bringing up Peter unnecessarily for however long she’s going to be staying here.

Once they get into his room, May busies herself with grabbing a suitcase from Peter’s closet then she grabs clothes that hang in it and starts haphazardly throwing them into the suitcase before doing the same with the clothes in his dresser. She doesn’t bother to fold the clothes up neatly, just shoves as much of them as she can fit into the suitcase before zipping it closed then she moves around MJ to lug it to the door they’ve just come into the room through.

“I’ve cleared up some space for your clothes,” she says gesturing to the packed suitcase by her legs, then to the half empty closet and now-empty and still-open top three drawers of the dresser. “Uh, I’ll leave you to just settle in but I’ll be right outside if you need me, okay?”

MJ nods her heads wordlessly then just as May turns to start dragging the suitcase away and out of Peter’s room calls out, “May?” When May has paused and turned back to look at her she carries on, “Thank you for this, for everything. Really.”

May offers her a small smile in return and MJ sees the way she gets slightly teary the same way her own eyes are getting a little bit misty. She assures her it’s no problem before she turns and walks out with the suitcase before gently closing the door behind her.

When MJ is left alone she takes her backpack off her shoulders and sighs out in a feeling akin to relief from the feeling of the weight being removed from her shoulders; it’s not that the backpack was particularly heavy, MJ only packed about a week’s worth of clothes and a few books, uncertain about what lies ahead or how long she’ll be staying at the Parkers’ but not wanting to impose. She places the bag on the floor and her phone is carelessly placed on the side table after quickly checking the time then she tentatively perches on the edge of the bottom bunk.

She looks around at the mess of the room, at the signs of a full life lived in this room from the various books and pens strewn across the desk, to the nerdy sci-fi posters that adorn the walls, to the action figures dotted on any available surface all over the room. She’s once again overcome by that niggling sense of loss, the reminder of everything that has happened and why she is even here to begin with.

She didn’t think she had anymore tears left in her to cry but she once again finds herself crying, silently so as to not be heard by May who she can hear moving around in her bedroom just next door.

Without meaning to since she knows the bottom bunk is exclusively for Peter and the only time she’s slept over here she’d slept on the couch in the living room so isn’t entirely comfortable with taking up space she shouldn’t, she finds herself lying down fully onto the bed and curling up into a fetal position with her knees hugged to her chest.

Surrounded by the weird smell that’s a mixture of the Parkers’ laundry detergent, sweat and something that’s so distinctly _Peter_ , she falls into a deep slumber.

* * *

MJ sleeps, sleeps, and sleeps.

When she accidentally fell asleep it was a little after midday, when she wakes up now the mid-morning sun shines with its florid orange light bleeding into Peter’s room through the open blinds meaning she’s slept for close to 20 hours if her estimations are correct.

She looks down and finds that there is a blanket that wasn’t previously draped over her when she fell asleep now covering her body, and her phone which she placed on the bedside table before falling asleep is now plugged into a charger.

MJ reaches for the phone and quickly checks the time which shows that it’s 9:13am the day after she first got here and she indeed slept for just over 20 hours straight. The long sleep did nothing to take away her bone-deep exhaustion, but she thinks no amount of sleep will be enough to make her feel well rested.

After spending a few moments psyching herself up to get out of bed and not just stay there forever like she has the overwhelming urge to do, MJ stretches her limbs then finally gets out of bed. She takes the time to fold the blanket that was draped over her whilst she was asleep then digs around in her bag for her toiletry bag and a towel.

Even though it’s past 9 in the morning and May is likely awake, MJ still moves around as quietly as she can to get out of Peter’s bedroom and head to the bathroom.

“Oh, morning MJ,” May speaks out just as MJ is trying to quietly close Peter’s bedroom door behind her. An overwhelming sense of embarrassment comes over her even though she wasn’t doing anything wrong, she still feels like she’s been caught red-handed.

She awkwardly smiles at May in greeting, unsure what to say to explain why she is sneaking around her home.

“You looked comfy so I didn’t wanna wake you, hope that’s okay.”

“Uh, yeah—yeah. Thank you, May,” MJ says, still feeling weirdly awkward. “I’m just gonna shower, if that’s okay?”

“Of course sweetheart,” May says sincerely. “I told you before, you’re welcome to make yourself feel at home here.”

May said those words to MJ during her second time here when she asked the older woman if she could use her electric kettle to make herself some tea during a movie night with the boys. MJ thinks a polite “make yourself at home” when someone is just visiting for a few hours is quite different to someone quite literally having to move in with you because all their family are dead. She doesn’t voice that thought though, just smiles at May once more before going to the small bathroom in the corner.

She doesn’t spend too long in the shower despite being tempted to because she doesn’t want to finish the hot water, so she’s only in there for ten minutes tops before she’s coming out of the bathroom and padding across the apartment back to Peter’s room. Luckily, May has disappeared to her room meaning MJ can walk across without having to awkwardly interact with her again.

When she’s back in Peter’s room she takes some clothes out of her bag then sort of stands there, still in her towel and suddenly feeling too self-conscious to change. She feels stupid but there’s an unease, equal parts daunting as it is exciting, about being naked, even momentarily, in Peter’s room—her _crush’s_ room. She shakes her head as if to shake the thoughts that race through her mind out of it, realising she’s being ridiculous, then hurriedly gets dressed.

She sits on the bottom bunk for a bit, contemplating what to do with herself before finally deciding that she can’t hide out in Peter’s room forever as much as she’d like to, both because it allows her to hide from May and because there’s something oddly comforting about being in here surrounded by all of Peter’s dorky belongings. May has taken her in and is letting her stay here for the time being, the least MJ can do is keep May company and help out with any household chores to show how incredibly grateful she is.

With that new resolve to stop being a brat, MJ leaves Peter’s room and walks out into the living area. When she sees that May isn’t on the couch and can’t see her in her bedroom through the open door, she rounds the corner to go to the kitchen where she finds her stood by the waffle maker, preparing the batter the way she’d done the one time MJ had slept over after May had insisted when their _Lord of the Rings_ marathon had ended in the early hours of Saturday morning.

“Hey May,” MJ greets quietly to make her presence known so she doesn’t startle May; Peter has told her how easy it is to sneak up on her but MJ suspects that might be because of the whole Spider-Man thing that Peter thinks she doesn’t know about.

May is startled regardless, looking up at her like she wasn’t expecting her to be there. “Oh sorry MJ, I didn’t even hear you come in here,” she says, shifting her facial expression into a welcoming smile from the startled one of before. “Sit, sit, I’m making waffles,” she says distractedly, gesturing to the small four-person kitchen table that’s crammed into the kitchen corner as she starts to pour the batter into the waffle maker.

MJ does as she’s told and smiles politely, electing not to mention how she still has no appetite to speak of as she doesn’t want to be rude.

“I know you said you prefer pancakes last time I made you guys waffles but the waffle maker just makes life so much easier!” May jokes. “I’m a bit of a disaster in the kitchen.”

“Me too,” MJ says, smiling genuinely and wider than she has for the first time since she got here. She thinks about her dad lovingly calling her a culinary disaster after he’d tried to teach her how to make a basic Bolognese, his grandma’s recipe, before he eventually gave up when he saw her complete lack of interest and MJ has to swallow down the bile that rises to her throat.

She suddenly doesn’t feel like smiling anymore so she just sits there in silence as May continues making waffles, humming a tune that MJ doesn’t recognise as she does so.

“Is there anything I can do?” she asks because she’s feeling a little useless and needs something to do.

“There’s some fruit in the fridge and you remember where the syrup is, right?”

MJ hums her ascent and gets up to grab the waffle toppings, taking her sweet time to get everything out just to while up the time before she sits down again.

A few minutes later when their waffles are done, May comes and hands her a plate, “One for you.” She turns back to the counter then comes back with two plates, “One for me, and one for—” She pauses as she goes to place the third plate down by the vacant seat realising what she’s done.

MJ notes the way May’s hand holding out the third plate shakes ever so slightly as she watches a spot next to the empty chair. A sheen forms over May’s eyes and MJ quickly gets up out of her chair and gently places a hand on the plate. “It’s okay, this can be extra,” MJ tries her best to comfort her, reaching a hand out to squeeze her arm as she takes the plate away with the other.

May blinks a few times, willing her unshed tears to go away then throws a small, grateful smile at MJ before settling into the seat opposite her.

The first couple of times MJ spent a prolonged amount of time with May she noted how the older woman has a tendency to ramble to fill silences or when she’s clearly nervous, a habit MJ could see she’d passed onto Peter. Now is no different as May rambles on some more about her lack of cooking skills whilst she finishes off her waffles then eats the ones that she’d made for Peter out of habit.

MJ for her part doesn’t eat much. The strawberry she put in her mouth just felt like flavourless mush, completely devoid of anything to make her want to eat anymore. She’s since just been rolling her fruit and the bit of waffle she’d cut up intending to eat around in the syrup she was a bit overzealous in drizzling over her waffles.

She nods and hums periodically to show May she’s listening to what she says, but otherwise doesn’t say much else and spends the entirety of their breakfast with her eyes cast down at her plate focused on the many colours of the berries that sit on her plate which look completely unappealing and unappetising to her.

If May notices that MJ barely touches her food, she doesn’t comment on it. She just stacks up their plates once she’s finished eating, with MJ’s still full one at the top of the stack before taking them to the sink.

“I can do the dishes,” MJ calls out when she sees May move to throw her uneaten waffle and fruit in the trash can.

May just shakes her head not unkindly. “It’s okay, we can worry about dishes later.” She finishes scraping food off her plate then puts it back on the stack with the other empty plates. “Would you like some tea? We have chamomile tea, green tea and some chai that Peter told me to get.”

Another version of MJ beams at Peter remembering some of her favorite teas and stocking up on them in his house just for her. This version of her just smiles, a small grateful thing, then, “I’d love some green tea. Please.”

“One green tea coming up,” May says excitedly before she turns to start on the tea.

When it’s done May comes back to the table with two cups, one for MJ and one for herself. They sit in silence slowly sipping the still too hot tea, MJ periodically bringing the cup up to her lips in a vice grip and allowing the heat it emits to sink into her fingers, a part of her hoping it burns her.

The next time she places the mug back down on the table May reaches her hand out and gently holds MJ’s hand in her own, giving it a brief squeeze. MJ somehow understands everything that she tries to communicate through her hold; she’s here, she’s got her, and together they’re going to get through this.

* * *

MJ wakes with a gasp and finds herself being held in May’s arms who rocks her back and forth slightly whilst one hand brushes her hair back and she quietly murmurs words of comfort to her. MJ hadn’t even realised she was having a nightmare, doesn’t even remember what the nightmare was with the wisp of a memory of images involving her parents already starting to fade away into nothingness. A sense of unease that has settled low in her belly remains, her body still recovering from the disturbed images she’d seen that her mind can no longer remember.

May continues to hold her and tries to soothe away MJ’s pain and it gradually works as MJ’s muscles start to relax and go floppy one by one from the tense position they were in.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” May whispers over and over again, willing MJ to take her words in and believe them.

A part of MJ feels like she should be mortified at how May, a woman who barely knows her, has to hold and rock her to calm her down like a baby the way her mom used to do when she was a literal child and the way her dad had had to do a few times after her mom’s funeral. MJ decides to turn her brain off and just take May’s comforting presence for what it is: calming and comforting.

It takes a while for MJ’s heart to stop racing and for her chest to stop constricting painfully every time she takes a breath, but May is right there with her the entire time, just continuing to comfort her.

When MJ feels the best she’s going to feel she moves to sit up and May eventually lets her go to let her do so. “I’m really sorry about all this,” MJ says, voice barely above a whisper.

May lets out a laugh-like huff, “You have nothing to apologise for, MJ.”

She reaches a hand out and uses her thumb to swipe at a lone tear on MJ’s cheeks MJ hadn’t even realised was there not having noticed she’d been crying and in the faint, warm light of the lamp on the bedside table, MJ can make out May’s gentle smile and kind eyes which help calm her further.

“Okay,” May says as she moves to retract her hand from MJ’s face and starts to get off the bunk bed. MJ has a momentary panic at the thought of May leaving and having to be alone again and she feels pathetic, berates herself for feeling that way but May reaches a hand out then, “Come on.”

She takes the older woman’s hand and uses it to pull herself off the bed then trails after her out to the living room.

May switches a lamp on the end table on, grabs the TV remote from the coffee table then settles on the couch. She drapes a blanket over her legs and flips one end of it over then taps to the space next to her on the couch, “Come.” When MJ sits down next to her she carries on, “I always like watching _Golden Girls_ when I can’t sleep but we can watch whatever you’d like.”

MJ drapes the blanket over her own legs and tucks the ends under her. “I like _The Golden Girls_ ,” she assures.

“What do you know about _Golden Girls,_ huh?” May jokes, shaking her head in faux-disbelief. “This was well before your time.”

She wants to retort that May is not _that_ old but instead what she says is, “When I was little and I couldn’t sleep I used to sneak out to our living room and watch it with my mom.” May hums in encouragement but otherwise doesn’t say anything else. “Those are some of my best memories with her because even though I didn’t understand any of the jokes,” May snorts bemusedly at that, “I think I just enjoyed getting to spend time with my mom, uninterrupted.”

A silence settles over them but it’s not awkward or anything, it’s oddly comforting. Eventually May breaks it, “I used to watch this with my mom, too.” A warm, cozy feeling like being held or swaddled in a blanket envelopes MJ at their shared history. “Though I was actually old enough to understand all the jokes.”

That gets a bemused scoff out of MJ and whatever remained of her nightmare starts to fade away completely as she settles more comfortably into the couch.

* * *

They’re watching the evening news the same way they’ve done over the last few days MJ has been staying here when the breaking news story is shown on the TV. There was something seen entering the earth’s atmosphere which the news anchor says was a ship or rocket or vessel of some sort from satellite images whilst the conspiracy theorists on the internet say something about there being a woman. Whatever it was, MJ knows in her gut that’s it’s significant.

Her suspicions are partially confirmed by how antsy May grows to be at the news, immediately grabbing her phone to start shooting off texts and making calls. Full confirmation comes when May receives a call not long after which she takes away from MJ, stepping away momentarily to go to the kitchen.

MJ doesn’t mean to eavesdrop but her curiosity gets the better of her and she ends up listening in anyway. She hears May answer the phone with, “Is it them? Is it my boy?”

There’s a stretch of charged silence then, “ _Tony_ , what are you saying to me right now?” May’s voice has risen by several decibels and MJ can hear the wobble in her voice like she’s going to both cry and scream all at once.

“No, no, no,” May mutters over and over again. She starts to quietly sob. “You were supposed to protect him. This wasn’t—no, no, no…” she gets out between hiccupping sobs.

If May says more MJ doesn’t hear it, her ringing ears as she connects what she’s heard and realises what’s happening drowning out whatever else May says over the phone. They’ve never acknowledged Peter’s absence but they were both in an unspoken agreement that he’d just gotten stranded in space and would be coming back home anytime soon.

In quiet moments MJ had secretly thought about what would happen once Peter did come back; May wouldn’t kick her out so would she take the top bunk (or more likely force Peter to start sleeping on the top bunk and hijack the bottom one for herself) or would she have to start sleeping on the couch? It doesn’t matter now. She feels sick that she’d ever even entertained such silly, nonsensical and ultimately meaningless thoughts.

She hurries to wipe a stray tear away when she hears May starting to make her way back to the living area.

“Peter is, um, Peter’s…” her words fail her and MJ sees the way she tightly clutches her phone in one hand and the way her entire body shakes as she fights to keep her tears at bay.

“May—” MJ starts, hurriedly moving to get up and off the couch.

She’s stopped in her tracks but May, “No, no. I just—I just need to be alone .” She turns and walks to her bedroom, closing the door behind her before MJ can so much as blink.

MJ gets it so she allows May some time to herself, turning up the volume on the TV after changing it to some harmless kids’ channel to allow May some sort of privacy before she goes to the kitchen to while up time by doing the dishes and cleaning up.

A couple of hours pass and in that time MJ manages to wash up their dishes that had built up over the last few days, dry them and put them away then she cleans the kitchen counter tops and cleans the floor. She also tidies up around the living area and she tidies away her belongings which were scattered across Peter’s room but she doesn’t touch any of Peter’s belongings in her cleaning. She quietly cries as she does all the cleaning, but she manages to get it done.

Now she sits in front of the TV, feeling restless and like she should do something so giving into impulse, she gets up off the couch and goes to the kitchen to make hot chocolate. She takes the time to heat milk on the stove top then melts chocolate into it, all fancy the way her dad had taught her to do, then she tops the two cups with marshmallows she finds at the back of a random cupboard.

Balancing the two filled cups on a tray she carefully takes them to May’s closed door, waits in front of it momentarily to gather some courage before she knocks then softly calls out, “May? Could I come in, please?”

When she isn’t immediately told to go away she secures her hold on the tray in one hand then twists the door knob open with the other. On the other side of the door she’s greeted by the sight of May sprawled out on her bedroom floor with all of Peter’s clothes that she’d packed into a suitcase when MJ first came here on the floor surrounding her. May holds one of his sweatshirts up to her face and sobs into the cotton material.

MJ carefully makes her way to the mound of clothes May has created and finds a spot to settle on the floor close by to where May sits then places the tray of hot chocolates on the floor next to her.

She doesn’t say anything immediately, just embraces the silence and allows May to cry some more. When May’s cries start to subside some does MJ finally say something, “I made hot chocolate.”

May gives her a watery smile, reaches her arm up to wipe at her nose with the sleeve of her cardigan. “Thanks sweetheart.” She wraps the sweatshirt in her hands over her shoulders before she reaches out to accept the cup MJ offers her.

They sit there on the floor surrounded by all of Peter’s clothes— worn jeans, plaid shirts in different colours and all the nerdy pun t-shirts— in silence and sip on their hot chocolates. MJ resists the urge to tell her she’s sorry or offer her any empty platitudes that MJ hated being offered, ones she suspects May likely does too having suffered through so much loss.

“Ben and I never wanted kids,” May eventually breaks the silence. “I knew from when I was your age I didn’t want kids and Ben didn’t either so we were more than content. Don’t get me wrong, it was nice to babysit Peter when he was little but it was even better to give him back at the end of the day, y’know?”

MJ doesn’t say anything in response.

“I didn’t want kids but then one day Ben brought Peter back and I opened our door to find him standing there wrapped up in Ben’s jacket that was too big for him and he was holding onto the straps of his backpack for dear life. He couldn’t stop crying no matter what Ben or I tried to do, and I knew then I was going to love him forever and I would do anything to protect him.”

MJ places her now-empty cup back on the tray then goes to take May’s still half-full cup out of her hands and places it on the tray beside hers before she wades through Peter’s clothes to move closer to May. Tentatively, she reaches both arms out and wraps May up in her embrace and May readily accepts her hug, her own arms quickly flying up to wrap around MJ and her head moving to rest on MJ’s shoulder as she starts to cry again.

“It hasn’t even been 3 years since we lost Ben. I didn’t think—I didn’t expect to lose—” May can’t get the words out, her cries disrupting whatever she tries to say. But MJ understands what she means; no one ever wants to bury their kids, and Peter is— _was_ May’s kid.

MJ continues to hold May and lets her cry, doing her best to stifle her own tears because this moment isn’t about her. She doesn’t offer up empty platitudes but hopes May understands everything that goes unsaid through MJ’s hold.

When May eventually pulls away from MJ she’s all apologies, “Oh, God. Sorry MJ, I’ve made a mess of your t-shirt and made you witness a middle-aged lady’s breakdown. Wow.” Her tone is self-deprecating as she takes in the mess of clothes that surrounds them seemingly for the first time.

She’d be lying if she said she doesn’t sometimes get awkward when it comes to navigating social interactions. She spent the majority of her childhood with very few friends because it was difficult to find common ground with kids her age when MJ spent so much time with her nose buried in books well beyond her young age. The distance between her and her peers grew further after the loss of her mom as MJ closed herself off, not wanting to risk getting close to anyone when life could just cruelly take them away.

But _this_ —grief and the physical pain that comes with loss—this is something she’s unfortunately familiar with and knows how to navigate so she doesn’t feel in anyway overwhelmed or awkward at having witnessed part of May’s grief. So it is with ease that she’s able to reassure May, “It’s okay May, I don’t mind.” A beat, “I probably can’t do much, but I’m here for you.”

May wipes away the remnants of her tears then gives MJ a small, genuine smile. “I want to make it clear that the point of my story wasn’t that women who don’t want kids will change their mind once they have them. If you don’t want kids that is absolutely your right and people around you should respect that, you hear?”

Without meaning to, MJ giggles at her words and serious tone which in turn makes May’s smile grow wider. “Okay, May.” Then she reaches a hand out and gently squeezes the older woman’s shoulder.

* * *

Since she’s been staying at the Parkers’ MJ has been more than content to just cycle through the same few clothes she brought with her, washing them occasionally so she’d have something to wear. It’s meant that she hasn’t had to think about all her other clothes that she left at home, or even think about her home at all.

But a few weeks into her stay May brings the issue up, gently and with tact of course, which is how MJ, May along with the man she’s since learned is Tony Stark’s friend and chauffeur who’d also look after Peter, Happy Hogan, find themselves in MJ’s empty apartment.

After unlocking the front door MJ stands looking out at the space of their hallway leading into the living room which somehow seems so vast despite the space not being that big. She takes a deep breath in then exhales audibly then she feels the comforting weight of May’s hand land on her shoulder, gently squeezing.

“Are you okay to do this? Happy and I can pack everything up and you don’t have to be here,” May reassures her.

“No, no, I—I want to be here. I need to do this,” MJ responds, finding some courage to cross the threshold and enter the apartment that’s now just an apartment.

She looks around at the frames all over their living room, a mixture of family pictures and some of her art from over the years her dad had had specially framed and she feels a lump form around her throat.

Clearing her throat to stop herself from crying, MJ turns back to the two adults with her, “I’ll do my room.”

“Okay, sweetheart,” MJ says with an encouraging smile.

MJ hears Happy mumble something about getting some guys up to move furniture as she starts to walk to her room.

In it she finds her bed still unmade from when she’d tried to sleep then had been woken up by her dad in his last moments. Before she can cry she turns away from her bed and instead focuses on unzipping the suitcase she brought with her and taking out some trash bags that were in it, then she busies herself with packing up all her belongings.

She makes a few trips to take the stuff she wants to bring with her to the Parkers’ down to Happy’s SUV and leaves the rest packed up and dotted around her room for the men Happy mentioned to take away to storage. May hasn’t taken any of Tony’s calls or answered his texts that MJ sometimes sees flash on the screen of May’s phone ever since he called to tell her Peter was gone, but through Happy she did allow him to arrange to have everything in MJ’s apartment be packed up and put into storage for the time being. MJ will figure out what to do with it all later, right now she doesn’t want to think about it.

When she’s done in her bedroom she goes to the kitchen and starts packing things into boxes dotted around that have appeared from somewhere whilst she was packing up her room. She works silently and quickly to pack everything up.

It’s as MJ’s starting to clean the now empty cupboards that May appears and interrupts her, “Hey, I hadn’t started on your dad’s bedroom yet. Figured you might want to go through it to see which things you wanna take with you.”

MJ knows May means well, that the gesture is one done out of kindness, but she finds her chin wobbling and tears fall from her eyes all the same at her words.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” May says gently as she moves across the space of the kitchen to take MJ into her arms. “It’s okay.”

“That’s where he—where I saw him—” MJ has several false starts as she tries to get her words out but she finds that she can’t no matter how hard she tries.

May seems to understand all the same. “It’s okay, I can do it by myself. Don’t worry.”

MJ can only nod in appreciation.

As May is walking away to go to her dad’s bedroom, MJ is struck by something. “Wait May,” she waits for May to turn back to her before continuing, “Could you, um, there’s a photo on his bedside table that I don’t want to go into storage.”

“Of course, sweetheart.” May waits for a few moments to see if there’s anything else that comes up then eventually turns and walks away when MJ doesn’t make anymore requests for things belonging to her dad that she’d like to keep. The wool sweater Anna had knitted for him the first Christmas they had without her mom currently sits in a drawer in the Parker household, along with a bottle of his cologne, items she’d taken with her the first time she left with her apartment.

MJ carries on cleaning up in the kitchen then when she’s done there she moves around putting random items away into boxes which she labels with a marker she brought with her.

They eventually finish packing everything up and cleaning as the sun starts to set outside; they first came here a little after 8am so it’s been a whole day of this.

“Alright kiddo, time to head back to my apartment,” May announces once she’s satisfied with everything.

“These guys will take everything and put it into storage.” MJ registers Happy’s words but she’s more focused on looking wistfully around the apartment that’s slowly getting emptier and emptier as they’ve moved stuff to the truck that waits outside. Tears prick her eyes and she feels a stinging sensation behind her sternum at the sight before her.

Sensing this, May jumps in, “How do you feel about Mac and Cheese for dinner? I gotta warn you that it’ll be Kraft Mac & Cheese though.”

MJ snorts at May’s words, brings a hand up to wipe at the few stray tears that had somehow managed to escape then turns to start walking towards the front door where May waits for her.

“Sounds delicious,” she jokes.

* * *

Between the two of them May and MJ have been managing to have meals that are at least edible, taking turns to cook for each other. But recently one of May’s favorite Thai restaurants has managed to re-open now that things are starting to calm down a bit so they’re starting to relax on the cooking and instead choosing to order from the Thai place more often than not.

Tonight they ordered a rice dish and a noodle dish and halved each one so they could both have rice and noodles. They eat their takeout dinner whilst they sit on the couch in front of the TV watching _Golden Girls_ , it’s becoming something of tradition for them to watch the show.

They talk of course with May telling MJ stories about Peter and sometimes about Ben, and MJ occasionally opening up about her parents and about Anna but sometimes when either one is overwhelmed by grief and doesn’t particularly feel like talking, there’s _Golden Girls_.

They watch it so much that MJ starts to worry about what’s going to happen once they’ve finished all the episodes, about what show they will bond over after they finish this one, but for now she just enjoys the comfort of watching an old episode with some Thai food with May.

When they finish their dinner, MJ insists on cleaning up their takeout containers whilst May sits down then when she’s done she comes and settles back on the couch, bringing her socked feet up on the couch and tucking them underneath herself before she brings the blanket she’s sharing with May over herself.

“Wanna watch more episodes? Or maybe, you’re bored of this old lady show and wanna watch something else,” May asks, shifting around to ensure MJ has more of the blanket.

“Don’t talk about the girls like that!” MJ protests in feigned outrage, making May giggle. “I’m happy to watch more episodes.” She enjoys her and May’s TV dinners and it’s not like she has anything else to do. She has no homework on the count of school being shut for the rest of the year and though she’s been texting with Ned a lot recently, finally having mustered up the courage to reach out to him for the first time since they heard about Peter, he’s currently out of city.

May hums quietly as she cues up another episode, and for a while they sit there in companionable silent with occasional snorts of laughter at any bits they find particularly funny.

“Hey, Em? This is a bit weird, but would it be okay if I braided your hair?” May asks randomly, partway through the episode.

MJ shrugs her ascent, it _is_ a little weird because it came out of nowhere but MJ hasn’t had someone else do her in a while, not since she last went to the salon for a trim before everything, and it’s nice to have someone do your hair.

May smiles sheepishly, “Sorry, I just need something to do with my hands.” And now she says that MJ notices the slight tremor to her hands. Sometimes when May lets her mind drift, something which MJ can tell by the way she stares blankly ahead, she gets so overwhelmed that her body starts to shake slightly, usually her hands. When MJ has tried to do something, anything to comfort her she just waves her off.

“It’s okay,” MJ tries to reassure.

May smiles gratefully at her before she rushes off to her room then comes back with a comb and a hair brush before taking her seat on the couch once more.

“Where do you want me to…” MJ mumbles, gesturing to the floor in a question.

May simply pats her lap so after a moment’s hesitation, MJ moves to lie her head on May’s lap and May gets to work with gently combing MJ’s hair and parting it in the middle so she can do two French braids.

Her hands in her hair are soothing as she works, like everything about the woman and MJ is glad to give her something to do with her hands so she might stop ruminating.

MJ’s nightmares have decreased in frequency from when she used to have them every night and multiple times per night to happening only about three or four nights a week and every time they happen, May is right there to comfort her and MJ would like to do the same for the woman who took her in but May always brushes it off so she’s happy to do little things like this to provide some sort of comfort to her.

It’s still surprising to her that May not only took her in but has taken such good care of her and done her best to help her in anyway she can. But of course MJ shouldn’t be surprised, May took in a young Peter and not only that, but she carried on looking after him even after the love of her life was taken from her.

MJ would never say that there was something missing, a gaping hole, in her life because of the loss of her mom. Obviously, she misses her on a daily basis but MJ has never felt lacking when it came to love and adoration because of her mom’s passing, her dad loved her more than enough and so did her aunt Anna. As for her mom, though she misses her daily and occasionally her chest feels heavy when she sees other girls with their moms, MJ knows she carries part of her mom with her in how her dad would tell her she was as smart, funny and passionate as she was, and literally with the locket that once belonged to her that MJ never takes her off.

All this is to say MJ doesn’t have a gaping hole of maternal love that she desperately needs filled, but the maternal affection and love May dotes on her is nice and MJ allows herself to bask in the warmth of it.

The love May has in her seems boundless because in spite of all the pain and loss she has suffered, she still remains warm and optimistic and loves so readily which MJ finds to be greatly admirable. The pantheon of great women in MJ’s life is certainly something to behold: her mom, Grandma Gina, Aunt Anna and now: _May Parker (née Reilly)_.

The gentle motions of May’s hands as she plaits her hair start to lull MJ to sleep, and with the sound of Rose and Blanch fighting about who’s the bigger slut on screen, MJ gives into the pull of sleep.

* * *

“Sup,” MJ greets when she swings the door open, trying her best to appear cool and nonchalant to maintain the image she tries to project of herself to most people around her.

Ned shakes his head good-naturedly at her. “Get over here,” he says, stepping over the threshold so he can wrap MJ up in a hug.

Though she’d grown closer to the two boys since her appointment to decathlon captain, enough that she sat with them at lunch and had a rolling invite to Friday night movie nights, she wouldn’t say hugging was ever a thing they did (apart from that one time Peter had accidentally hugged her after walking her home from his place on a Friday night and MJ had dreamt about it for a week after) so it takes her a moment to return the hug.

When she hugs him back, Ned sighs out audibly and relaxes against her causing MJ to do the same. She really had missed her friend.

Eventually they separate and MJ moves aside so Ned can properly come into the apartment. May has picked up a new job with a charity that helps people displaced by what the media has dubbed the “dusting” and she’s out at work meaning the two teenagers are alone in the apartment.

They’ve been texting but their conversations are a little stilted sometimes even over text, neither teenagers sure how to navigate the new reality of members of their family and their friend being gone but trying to forge on with maintaining their friendship regardless. That same awkward air lingers around them now once Ned has removed his shoes and the two of them sort of hover awkwardly in the living area, unsure of how to proceed.

MJ clears her throat, “Do you wanna pick a movie for us to watch? May got snacks for us so…”

“Sure, sure,” Ned responds, non-committally. After a beat of silence, “Actually MJ, I was thinking we could do something else?”

MJ narrows her eyes at him questioningly.

“I was thinking maybe we could, um, we could do a Lego set together?” Ned’s voice sounds so small and unsure in a way MJ doesn’t think she’s ever heard from him before; even when he’s in situations that would be humiliating for other people Ned always finds a way to turn it around and absolutely own it, he rose to legend status around Midtown after getting into trouble for supposedly watching porn at the sophomore Homecoming. When MJ hasn’t responded to his request Ned quickly adds on, “If you want to! Only if you want to, that is.”

It’s not something MJ has ever done or had interest in before but MJ’s not stupid or unperceptive. “Sure thing, nerd,” she tells him, adding a smirk to soothe her words.

Ned perks up and is more like himself again. “Okay cool,” he says before he heads off in the direction of Peter’s room.

When MJ walks in behind him she finds him standing there just looking around. She’s been careful to not alter things around Peter’s room too much, the posters and action figures still remain everywhere, but it is tidier than Peter ever kept it with MJ having stacked his books into neat piles and organising all the scrap bits of paper Peter would do calculations she doesn’t understand but is pretty sure are for his web formula on into a ring binder. MJ figures it also smells a little different in here: less like boy/vigilante and more like the scented candles May has stocked up which went largely ignored by Peter despite her best efforts to get him to use them. There’s also the picture on the side table of her and her parents from her 10th birthday right before her mom’s condition deteriorated.

Ned elects not to comment on the ways his best friend’s room is the same but not at all and instead moves to the dresser and crouches down to open the bottom drawer which MJ hasn’t touched since she’s been here. He gets out a box with a Lego set that MJ instantly recognises as being AT-AT from her mom indoctrinating her on Star Wars when she was a very young age; her mom had dressed her up as Princess Leia for multiple Halloweens, MJ didn’t mind much.

MJ moves to sit on the floor with Ned, who has started organising the different pieces in some way MJ can’t really make sense of.

She goes to grab the instruction manual but Ned gets there quicker, snatching it away before MJ can get her hands on it. “Nuh uh, no instruction manual.”

“What?!”

“It’s more fun this way, trust me,” Ned tries to assure her.

“That’s just stupid,” MJ huffs disbelievingly, but she moves to pick up a few pieces and start trying to figure everything out all the same.

Apart from conferring between them occasionally, they mostly work to build the model in silence until Ned breaks that. “Thanks for doing this, MJ.”

MJ shrugs as if to say, _it’s no biggie_.

“No, seriously,” Ned insists. He doesn’t say anything for a moment and MJ think that might be the end of it but then he continues, “Everything’s been so—so different and _hard_ , y’know? My lola is one of the people we lost and I know she was an old lady and got to live a full life but it’s still hard; she and I were really close.” He continues to concentrate on the Lego pieces in his hands but MJ doesn’t miss the way he sniffs. “Then there’s Peter. Whenever something happens to me he’s still the first person I wanna tell, like the other day I beat his high score on this stupid Mario and Luigi game and I wanted to call him to rub it in his face so badly.”

She doesn’t immediately say anything, just allows Ned to say everything he wants to first then eventually, “I get nightmares about my family and Peter all the time.” Ned finally looks up at her with red, wet eyes. “It still doesn’t feel real, and it probably never will.”

Ned snorts but it lacks humour, then he uses the sleeve of his hoodie to wipe at his face. MJ gets up onto her knees and reaches for a box of tissues on the desk and gets one out and hands it to Ned then gets another one for herself.

Ned smiles at her and she returns his smile and reaches a hand forward to briefly squeeze one of his, then they go back to building their AT-AT model in relative silence again.

They carry on working on the Lego model until May gets home from work and when she does, she hugs Ned and squeezes him extra tight and keeps pressing kisses all over his face that Ned only half-heartedly complains about.

There is an ache deep in her chest at the glaring absence in the scene before her, but MJ finds herself genuinely grinning at the sight the two of them make all the same.

* * *

Tonight is May’s turn to cook dinner and MJ will deal with the clean up afterwards, but in the meantime she lounges on the couch as she waits. The news in on in the background and the anchor says something about the Avengers but MJ isn’t paying much attention to the TV, her attention focused almost entirely on her laptop which sits on her lap where she’s editing the Google Docs document on her screen.

When MJ hears May approaching from the kitchen she quickly snaps her laptop shut.

“You don’t have homework, do you? That’d be really unfair considering schools are shut,” May says as she hands over a plate to MJ before taking a seat with her own plate on her lap. It’s Kraft Mac & Cheese tonight.

“Uh, no, no,” MJ squeaks out, completely mortified because she doesn’t know how she’d even begin to explain what she was doing to May.

Fortunately for her, May drops it easily and instead focuses on cuing up _Golden Girls_ at the episode they’d last left it off—episode 7x12, meaning they don’t have many episodes left to go just as MJ had feared.

The pair almost always eat dinner on the couch by the TV like this. The times MJ had visited before they’d always had meals on the small kitchen table together, and when she’d questioned May about them eating on the couch instead May had responded with, _“It’s different now, plus you’re much cleaner”_ the cleaner than Peter went unsaid, _“I trust you to not spill pasta sauce on my cushions.”_ MJ had immediately dropped the issue after that.

They eat their dinner mostly in silence, focused more on the women on screen and finishing their food then when they’re done MJ takes both of their plates to the kitchen so she can clean up.

“Would you be interested in coming to volunteer at our new F.E.A.S.T. soup kitchen that’s just opened?” May calls out from the living room as MJ wipes down the counters, just finishing off her cleaning up. “We need volunteers and I figured it’d be nice to have something to do. Have some routine, maybe?”

Without hesitation she responds, “I’d love to, May.”

MJ doesn’t even need to think about it, she sometimes goes to the shelter with May to help out and outside of the times she’s gone out to hang out at Ned’s house, those are the only times she really gets out of the house. Even with the little odd jobs May finds for her to do at the shelter she’s found it incredibly rewarding and worthwhile and would love the opportunity to spend more time volunteering.

“Great, I’ll introduce you to my co-worker who’ll be overseeing the new soup kitchen,” May says happily as MJ comes back to sit down on the couch having finished cleaning up. “More _Golden Girls_?”

“Mhm,” MJ hums in agreement as she flops onto the couch, immediately moving to open up her laptop again.

Partway through the episode May turns to MJ where she’s typing away on her laptop with curious interest. “What are you working on there?”

There’s that mortification again. “Uh, just some writing.”

“Oh!” May exclaims. “Peter did tell me you write a lot.”

MJ clears her throat, suddenly feeling embarrassed. “Only a little bit,” she murmurs quietly.

“What are you writing about now, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Uh, just a short story.” A pause. “About a hero,” MJ adds vaguely. She would rather May not know what her story is _really_ about, that she occasionally dips her toes into writing Spider-Man fanfiction (nothing weird, just some stories that explore the toll being Spider-Man has on his psyche—okay, so maybe a _little_ weird).

“Oh wow, sounds intriguing,” May’s genuine interest and excitement makes MJ wish the ground would swallow her whole.

She’s sure that when May leans over to look at MJ’s screen she likely does so almost unconsciously but MJ sees her life flash before her eyes when May starts to read the screen. “It says “ _Hi, arachnophiles_ ” is that your pen name?”

MJ makes a sound that’s higher pitched than she thinks she’s ever heard her voice go before then quickly snaps her laptop shut. She feels heat start to rise to her cheeks and in her panic starts to scramble up and off the couch, with the laptop tucked firmly under her arm.

“Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean to invade your privacy like that,” May sounds genuinely mortified at what she thinks is the cause of MJ’s dramatic reaction but she’s not the one who should be mortified.

“It’s okay,” MJ manages to squeak out. “I think I’m gonna go to bed, actually,” she adds. It’s only a little after 9pm but MJ needs to get out of here before she embarrasses herself further.

“Oh, well, alright hon’. Night,” May says, clearly taken aback by MJ’s abrupt exit.

MJ just manages to get out a quick, “Night, May” before she all but sprints to the bedroom and closes the door behind her.

She settles on the chair by the desk, opens her laptop up and hits “post” before she switches it off and climbs into bed. She’s not tired at all and she knows she needs to brush her teeth for the night but she doesn’t think she’s ready to face May yet after her embarrassing display, so she opts for reading the rest of her novel whilst she waits till later when she can sneak to the bathroom when May has gone to bed.

She reads for a couple of hours until eventually she hears the TV shut off. She waits for a stretch of time for May to finish up in the bathroom then only once she’s heard May’s bedroom door shut does she brave leaving the bedroom to go and quickly brush her teeth before running back to the bedroom.

As MJ is turning on her do not disturb feature on the phone she sees that she has an email alert for a new comment from guest user _GoldenGirl_ , the comment reads:

_What a wonderful piece of writing with beautiful prose. You explore the dichotomy of the boy versus the superhero in a really interesting way, capturing the way Spider-Man toes the line between competent Avenger and “human disaster” as you’ve written in your tags in way that is as hilarious as it is heart breaking. Great art always makes me very emotional so this story made me incredibly emotional. I would read a million words written by you. Keep up the great work! :)_

Though MJ knows and she thinks May knows that she knows, they’ve never properly talked about Peter being Spider-Man and MJ should feel mortified that May has found her writing, should feel mortified that May read the piece she wrote as an ode to her dead nephew and everything he did for the neighborhood and the city, all the lives he touched. What she feels instead is a sense of contentment, secretly pleased that May enjoyed her work. She hopes that May can know that though Peter was taken far too young he’d made such an impact on the world around him thanks to how she raised him.

When she eventually does fall asleep, she does so with a small smile on her face.

* * *

MJ watches as May inspects herself in the mirror one more time, a hand running down the front of her simple, plain black dress to smooth the material down. She almost tells her she looks nice but stops herself, thinking it likely wouldn’t be appropriate to comment on someone’s funeral attire.

She instead fiddles with the skirt of her own black dress. It’s one of a collection of dresses that Anna had bought for her last summer when she went down to Florida to visit that she insisted MJ needed for special occasions: college interviews, special conferences and dinners MJ would no doubt get invited to for being a bright young lady, and most importantly according to Anna, school dances that she could go to with that special guy or girl. MJ doesn’t think Anna had anticipated that she’d be wearing one of the dresses she got her to a memorial service to mourn half the world’s population.

The city had decided to wait the time it took for the fragmented government departments to collate a database of all the people that were dusted and yesterday they announced it; 3.9 million in the city of New York alone, 3.8 billion total globally.

Today there are going to be multiple mini vigils across the different boroughs that people can come to and light a candle to pay respects to anyone they lost in the dusting. So MJ and May are going equipped with a candle each, one for MJ’s dad and one for Peter.

May eventually gives up on trying to adjust her dress and her earrings, giving her reflection one last look before she lets out a slow, shaky exhale. “Ready?” she asks MJ as she turns to face her.

MJ nods in response and adjusts her backpack then steps aside to let May walk past her through the bedroom door before trailing after her.

Outside, the streets are packed in a way MJ hasn’t seen them be in a long time as everyone makes their way to Flushing Meadows for the impromptu candlelight vigil. There’s a despondent air that hangs over everyone but that’s outweighed by the sense of community present with people coming together to mourn and to celebrate the lives of their loved ones.

MJ’s nightmares are now down to about once or twice a week and this week she hasn’t had one and it’s already Friday, which coupled with this memorial service and the city’s pledge to erect plaques to commemorate all those that were dusted feels a lot like everyone, herself included, is starting to move on. A pervasive sense of guilt eats away at MJ at the thought.

Shaking away those thoughts so she can focus on being there for May today of all days, MJ moves an arm to link through May’s. The older woman turns to look at her, surprised but pleasantly so, before she links their arms tighter together and pulls MJ closer to her side as a consequence.

On the way they meet up with Ananya, the woman who oversees the new F.E.A.S.T. soup kitchen that was set up where MJ has been volunteering 4 days a week, and the three women all smile at each other but otherwise don’t exchange many words before carrying on with the rest of the journey together.

Everyone lights their candles and takes a moment to reflect. MJ thinks about all the times she may have been unintentionally mean to Peter in an attempt to play it cool whenever she’d get overwhelmed when talking to him. She doesn’t know that he liked he back but she can’t help but feel robbed of something that could’ve been.

Her mind also drifts to all the meaningless little arguments she’d had with her dad when he was still alive; arguments about college because her dad wanted her to stay in the city and go to Columbia or NYU whilst MJ wanted to go to Harvard like her mom, along with MJ getting annoyed at her dad for his insistence at still calling her Emmie when it was such a juvenile nickname her mom had come up with. It was all pointless in the grand scheme of things and MJ wishes she could see her dad again so she could tell him she was sorry, and explain to him how it is that she could both want to go to Harvard to feel close to her mom but not want to be called by a nickname that reminded her of a time when their family was whole when the two wants are seemingly so contradictory.

She doesn’t realise she’s crying until May reaches a hand out to gently wipe at MJ’s cheeks. She grabs a packet of pocket tissues out of her purse and hands one to MJ which she gratefully accepts. As she wipes away her tears May gives her a half side-on hug, hand wrapping around her waist before gently squeezing her side in a gesture that immediately comforts MJ.

When the vigil is finished they bid farewell to Ananya then May suggests they stop by some diner MJ doesn’t think she’s ever heard of before heading back to the apartment.

They sit in a booth by the window and order burgers with fries to share and milkshakes—cookies and cream for them both because they have really bad sweet tooths as MJ has discovered from living with May.

It’s once they’re waiting for their food May explains the reason for their detour to this little diner which while the staff are all friendly and courteous, isn’t really anything out of the ordinary. “This is—this _was_ Peter’s favorite diner.”

This may be the first time May has actually said Peter’s name out loud since MJ came to her. The few times May has spoken about Peter it’s always the abstract idea of him or vague references to him, never his actual name. MJ doesn't say anything, just holds her breath and waits.

“I know that sounds silly with all the amazing restaurants with different countries’ cuisines all over this diverse city. But it’s near where Ben used to work and on Friday evenings I’d bring him with me to pick Ben up from work and we found this diner and decided it was more fun to wait in a place where we could have cookies and cream milkshakes than just waiting in the car,” May says with a small smile but it’s more fond than it is sad.

“Peter always ate so much garbage food,” MJ jokes, reaching a hand forward to take one of May’s and hold it.

May laughs and tells her stories about some of the gross “sandwiches” she saw Peter eat over the years as they eat.

When they’re making their way back to the apartment once they’re finished, May takes MJ’s hand and gives it a small squeeze then, “I’m glad you called me on that day, MJ.”

MJ feels her heart double in size inside her chest cavity and all she can do is squeeze May’s hand back in return.

* * *

It’s a day like any other when it happens.

MJ’s curled up on the couch wrapped up in a blanket despite it being the middle of the day, absent-mindedly watching an old _Law and Order_ episode that’s playing as part of a rerun double bill. She hasn’t moved much today apart from to go from the bed to the couch and has no intentions of moving much more beyond that.

When she hears the jingling of keys followed by the lock turning she makes no move to get up, more than content to stay in this exact position for as long as she possibly can.

“I got you some painkillers, chocolate and more importantly, a new hot water bottle to replace your other one,” May announces in greeting, pausing to throw the aforementioned medication and chocolate down into her lap. “I’ll fill the water bottle for you now,” May says as she carries on to the kitchen.

“I owe you my life!” MJ calls out to her retreating back.

MJ gratefully accepts the now filled hot water bottle from May when she comes back a few minutes later, sighing with relief as she settles it over her abdomen.

“What are we gonna watch now that we’ve finished _Golden Girls_?” May asks as she settles next to MJ on the couch, lifting her legs up so she can sit down before placing them down over her lap.

“I don’t know, something that’ll fulfil our very specific need for—” The rest of MJ’s words are interrupted by her phone vibrating with an incoming call on the table. MJ carelessly reaches a hand forward to flop on the coffee table in no particular rush to get her phone since she assumes it’ll be a telemarketing call, again.

Instead she sees the name _“Dad_ ” displayed on the screen and suddenly MJ is moving to sit up ramrod straight as she stares down at her phone with eyes narrowed suspiciously because, what the hell?

She hesitates only for one moment more before she accepts the call and brings her phone up to her ear.

_“Emmie? Oh my God, is that you?”_

MJ’s breath catches in her throat at the voice she hears on the end of phone. It sounds exactly like him, the exact inflection and timber that was once so familiar to her. Yet MJ knows this can’t be real because her dad is gone. She thinks she’s having one of her nightmares again.

The voice speaks again, _“Sorry, you hate being called that.”_ There’s a brief pause and MJ lets out a small gasp. _“MJ? Michelle, can you hear me?”_

When she finally opens her mouth to speak, her words come out shaky and her vision is blurring with unshed tears, “Dad? Is it really you?”

Her words get May’s attention who sits up and moves closer to her, one hand coming to rest over MJ’s that’s held in a clenched fist in her lap whilst the other goes for the remote control to change to a news channel.

There is a breaking news alert on the screen about people suddenly appearing in the same places they disappeared but MJ’s attention is focused almost entirely on the voice on the other end of her receiver.

_“MJ, where are you? I got back home and it’s completely empty and you aren’t here.”_

MJ chokes out a sob because this is really happening, he’s really here. Which means—

She turns to look at May who’s staring straight ahead, watching the TV screen intently. “May,” MJ says to get her attention. She tries again, “May.” Then when May turns to look at her, “You have to call Tony.”

May just nods wordlessly, almost mechanically getting up off the couch to go and grab her phone out of her purse which she’d previously left in the kitchen.

 _“Hello?”_ MJ hears her dad over the phone, taking her attention away from May and bringing it back to him.

“I’m here, I’m here,” she rushes out. “I’m at May Parker’s, but I’ll come to you. I’ll come home.”

He’s quick to dismiss her. _“Text me the address, I’m coming to you_.”

“Okay, okay,” MJ says but she makes no move to take her phone away from her ear or to hang up not wanting to let go of her dad.

“MJ, you have to hang up now,” Her dad teases good-naturedly. “I’ll be with you soon.”

She eventually wills herself to hang up the call then she quickly forwards him the address and is left there feeling elated and lighter than she has in a while. “Any luck reaching him?” She calls out to the kitchen where May had disappeared off to.

“I’m trying now,” May tells her, padding back into the living room with her cell phone pressed against her ear.

Suddenly the breaking news story on the TV changes, now they show images of some giant alien space ship that they think is actually somewhere upstate but can be seen even from the city. May notices what’s on screen as well and hangs the phone up with a gasp before moving to sit down close to MJ.

MJ grabs her hand in hers and together they watch on, horrified at how swiftly things changed. They went from living their new norm where her dad and Peter were gone to finding out the people who were taken away had come back to, to _this_ , whatever it is. MJ has whiplash from everything that’s happened in such a short span of time.

The pair of them stay glued to the TV, just watching on as news anchors try to speculate about what is happening. There’s loads of destruction and fighting upstate that prevents any on-scene reporters from being there to report exactly what's going on but everyone knows it’s not good.

At some point MJ’s dad gets there and MJ gets up to let him up and in to the apartment. She hugs him tight, so happy that he’s here, he’s safe, and he’s whole again. But she can’t find it in her to celebrate when whatever is going on upstate is going on and a small part of her tells her that Peter is almost certainly involved in whatever it is.

MJ, May and her dad all stay on that couch for God knows how long, watching the TV screen intently until _poof_ , the ships that were here one moment all just disappear like they were never there, the same way MJ had watched her dad do what feels like a lifetime ago now, except he’s here right next to her holding her hand tightly in his.

No one moves or says anything after they’ve watched the space ships disappear, all in shock and confused about what they’ve just witnessed. Until eventually MJ is first to break the silence they’d fallen into, “May, I think you should try calling again.”

May simply nods in response to MJ’s words before getting up out of her seat in a state of near-stupor before she goes to the kitchen.

Neither her nor her dad say anything once May has left the room, MJ just moves her other hand which was holding May’s so she can grip both her dad’s hands in her own. She grips his hands tightly, feels the calluses over his palm he’s got from his indoor rock climbing hobby and takes the time to take in the fact that he’s really here.

“Oh Emmie,” he breathes out before wrapping her up in a hug. “Sorry, you don’t like being called that, do you?” He says after a moment, his breath fanning out over the top of her hair where he rests his head.

MJ wraps her arms tighter around him. “I don’t mind it,” she whispers.

He snorts with amusement and he’s about to say something else when they hear May’s loud gasp followed by a, “Peter? Peter, is it really you?”

They separate from their hug and MJ gives him a grin before she gets up to go to the kitchen and see after May.

* * *

Everything that comes after that is a whirlwind of things going back to normal, relatively speaking, and adjusting.

They work to move their belongings which had been packed away into storage back into their apartment and before she knows it, MJ is moving out of May’s apartment and going back home with her dad but not without first promising May that the two of them will still see each other often and MJ will come to her place one night a week so they can watch _Girlfriends_ which is the new show that has replaced _Golden Girls_ for them. That’s on top of the movie nights which Ned calls to have be resumed immediately now that Peter is back.

It’s an adjustment to have her dad back and to be back with him. MJ needs constant reassurance that he’s back and is really here, so she finds herself spending so much more time with him than she did before. Little things she once took for granted like sitting down for meals with him or playing chess with him the way they used to do constantly when she was younger, she now makes sure they do more often. She may have known this after she lost her mom, but losing him reaffirmed that people can be here one moment then gone the next and so you must cherish them whilst they’re here. So if she hugs him a little tighter than before and lets him call her Emmie, MJ thinks it’s fine.

Everything is the same but it’s not. MJ lost her only remaining family but managed to gain more in the form of May in that time and now she has more family than she had before, to love and to cherish.

That thought fills MJ with a sense of contentment and warms her from the inside out as she climbs into her old bed which is familiar yet has grown unfamiliar after having spent time sleeping in the bottom bunk of an apartment on the other side of Queens.

She’s getting ready to turn in for the night when her phone pings with a new incoming text. She unlocks her phone to find a new text from _“Bug Boy”_ :

_Hey, I found your cardigan that has tigers all over it in my room. Can I come to your place to bring it you (unless you don’t want it, in which case I’m more than happy to keep it for myself because I’ve had my eyes on it for a long time and I think I’d look really good in it lol). Okay, lmk :)_

Some things may have changed but the way her stomach flutters when she sees Peter Parker’s name hasn’t.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just gonna keep writing MJ+May fics since canon won't give me what I want. Anyways, hope you all enjoyed this and as always, kudos and comments are much appreciated!!!  
> The Golden Girls binge-watch in the fic is dedicated to my dear [perfectlystill](https://archiveofourown.org/users/perfectlystill)
> 
> You can find me on [tumblr](https://tvfanatic97-2.tumblr.com/) and on [twitter](https://twitter.com/dayaspsychic) should you want x


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